Dear Blizzard

Dear Blizzard,

Having reviewed your forums for 3.2 seconds and quickly ascertained that there were no threads where people complained about the game without any knowledge of the gaming industry, business models, demographics or anything even remotely related to a commercial environment, I thought that I would proceed to tell you everything that you have done wrong and why you’re losing subscribers, since it seems obvious that you, after 20 years of Warcraft (and almost ten of Wow), have absolutely no idea what you’re doing.

Once I have done that, I will say something ridiculously uninformed. This broad generalisation will assume that everybody else has the same opinion as I do, and will likely be spelt incorrectly and then, when called on it by a subsequent post, I shall proceed to claim that English is not my first language to avoid shame. I will also claim to be quitting as soon as my current sub is up, and indicate that this will somehow bring down your company.

I will also make wild predictions on behalf of my fellow subscribers, complain that wow used to be so much better (without offering any kind of solution), and refuse to be constructive in any way. Being constructive is your job. I’m just here to manage your company to satisfy my own needs, and abuse you when you cater to anybody other than me. Should someone present a positive, constructive response to this post, I shall proceed to stubbornly refuse to see him/her or his/her views as being anything other than retarded, because they haven’t played as long as I have.

I will also be the sort of person who hasn’t read this post far enough to realise it is a joke, and subsequently flame Seraphaine for making light of my anger over how I’m not as l33t as I used to be because Wow is now for kids, instead of considering that perhaps my views on Wow have changed because I’m now eight years older than when I started playing, and perhaps my priorities have changed.

I trust this is in order.